Going Solo

I feel that I waste a lot of God's time. 

He has more important things to do than listen to me go through my small challenges. There are tsunami victims, the bereaved, families facing catastrophic illness, couples struggling with infertility, those who are in abusive situations. Going through a divorce seems fairly minor compared to all that, so I decide that I can handle it on my own.

"Thanks, anyway, God," I say. "I'll take care of this one. You go on to your meeting about African famine. I'll be okay."

But I'm not okay. I fall. I over-everything. Overeat. Overspend. Overdrink. Overanalyze. I make things even worse than they already were. I come crawling back to Him, and He just shakes his head knowingly as He lifts me in His arms.

I go through this spiral again and again, each time forgetting that there is nothing I can do to be worthy of His love. That's sort of the whole point of grace, isn't it? God doesn't use a human tally sheet to determine whether my problems are less than or more than someone else's. He knows that the burdens I carry are meant to bring me in closer relationship to Him.

The depth of His love is something so beyond my comprehension. I turn to Him more and more now, praising Him for blanketing me with mercy. One day, I hope to mature into my vulnerability.

Linda