Thursday, April 1, 2010

Riding the Roller Coaster

I love roller coasters. Growing up in Cincinnati necessitated an annual trip to Coney Island. As I got older Kings Island with its Twin Racers, and more recently The Beast became de rigeur.  I've ridden coasters at Busch Gardens, Six Flags Houston and LA, Cedar Point, Disney World, Universal and probably a few that I've forgotten.

The fun I have on roller coasters surprises some people because I'm afraid of heights. I mean really, truly, paralyzed-I'm-gonna-pee-my-pants-and-die-right-now scared of heights. One time, when our boys were little, we took a day trip to Serpent Mound in our home state of Ohio.

This amazing ancient site can best be seen from the observation tower.  Here's the observation tower.  It's about 190 feet off the ground (okay, it's probably more like 30 feet, but I'm just sayin').

See the lady on the platform? She isn't me. As we reached that platform I had a total panic attack and had to push people aside on their way up so that I could get back down. Embarrassed much? Oh yeah.

Then there was the time we went to Natural Bridge in Kentucky.  I LOVE walking along nature trails. My happiest vacations have been spent in state parks walking in the woods.

One can actually walk across this bridge. There are no barricades. You just have to stay in the middle. My husband and sons strolled happily across. I practically crawled and cried with relief when I reached the other side.

I admit it. I'm a wuss. Except I like the roller coasters.  With certain exceptions....

The roller coasters I go on cannot:

  1. Go backwards
  2. Have 3-D effects
  3. Go upside down
  4. Have any loops
  5. Have a line that lasts more than 30 minutes
  6. Have you stand instead of in a seat with that wonderful bar across your lap
See what I mean? Basically, my requirement is that it's a straight-forward no-frills kind of event. (Sure, insert the word boring if you want. I'm okay with that.) It goes high, goes down low, I can scream and put my hands up, and then get off the ride without fearing for my life.  I have to be able to see what's coming.

I'm discovering that this divorce process is like riding one of those roller coasters that my stomach can't handle. Just when I think things are going one way, I'm flipped upside down, fear that my arm restraint is going to fly off, and there are scenes of animated terror throughout the entire ride.  I may as well be on a lunar launch. Terra firma feels just that far away.

My goal is simply to survive the ride. I'm dizzy. My stomach goes from my toes to the top of my head. I want it to stop.  I close my eyes, but that makes it worse. There are ugly things that I must see and acknowledge regardless of how desperately I want to look away.

Yet just as I am sure there is a loving God, I know this ride will end. I'll get off of it, shudder and cry, sit quietly as I get the nausea under control, and hug the ground. Oh! How I'm longing to get past this. Funnel cake anybody?

Faithfully yours,

1 comment:

BitnByAQuiltingBug said...

Believe it or not, you put into words how I've been feeling for a few weeks now. Parallized by it things that I have no control over. You are in my prayers. You are a strong and faithful woman. God won't fail either of us! Hugs to you!